On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
