I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
