my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
