It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
