Buhtt sex?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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