Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I am spending my child support on dildos
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
