I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
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