According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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