there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
