I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
