Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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