There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
