U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
