I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
