So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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