There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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