my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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