Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize