I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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