Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
