Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
