just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
