Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
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