I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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