Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
