Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
