Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
