He asked me if I "almost moaned"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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