I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
