you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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