I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
