Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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