Your dad touched me again.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
