I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
