dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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