fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
