Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
