They should really pass out barf bags in church
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
i now understand why vodka
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
