Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
