also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
