I could have mohawked her pubes.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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