Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Randomize
