a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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