I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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