I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
