how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize