please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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