it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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