I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
