Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
