Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
