You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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