yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
