I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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