i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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