I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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