Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
