Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
