So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
