In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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