I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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