So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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