Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
