Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
nutella sex= disaster
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize
