Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
