I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
