I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
