once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
