Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
