even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
